never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
