Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
