woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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