I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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