Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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