The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
