I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
