is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
