i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
