At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
