Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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