talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
