i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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