my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
