god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
