I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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