i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
