I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
