I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize