I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
