We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
