So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
