Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
