His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
