I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
