gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
