so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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