Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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