you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
