capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
