OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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