First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
