I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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