I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
