what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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