TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sorry about my life...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
