I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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