That's intense
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
