And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
