he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
