and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
