Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
