Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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