did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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