What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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