hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
