I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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