i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
