Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
