i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
