I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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