You just made me feel so damn special
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize