Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
