he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
