Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
