i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
