She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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