sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
