Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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