I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize