she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
