My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
