I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
