The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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