CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
