ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
