Walk of Shame. In a state park.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
